


The Journey to Each Other

by onehundredhearts



Category: Bellarke - Fandom, The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Comfort, F/M, Sexual Content, Violence, starts after season 1 ends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-19
Updated: 2014-08-03
Packaged: 2018-02-09 12:28:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1983033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onehundredhearts/pseuds/onehundredhearts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke discovers Bellamy is alive! He helps her escape from Mount Weather and they set out to find the Ark survivors. Will they give in to their attraction to one another?</p><p>*This is basically how I envision season 2 being, if Bellamy and Clarke ended up alone together and had a bunch of sex.* lol</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

He stepped out in front of her, just like that. Dirty, bloodstained, bruised, but alive. He held up his hands in front of him in a surrender motion, probably hoping not to alarm her, but it was too late. She opened her mouth to let out the squeal of shock at having someone jump out at her, but managed to clamp it shut before he could get his hand up to stop her scream. A spluttering gasp was all she could manage before she flung herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck in a stranglehold while she burst into tears.

“You’re alive,” she said, unable to believe that she was holding onto him for dear life. Something positive, finally, something good. Bellamy was alive. Everything came crashing back to her and she pushed away from him, wiping her face and staring at him. 

“Glad to see me, Princess?” he asked and she laughed. Not even the annoying nickname could dampen her happiness at seeing him standing in front of her.

“Finn?” she asked, afraid to hope. 

He nodded and smiled, his arms still out at his sides where they’d been the whole time she’d clung to him in the vice-like hug. “He’s alive, or at least he was a few days ago. He wanted to try to find the ark, see if there were any survivors.”

She leaned over and grabbed her knees, a wave of relief hitting her hard. Finn was alive, too. She leaned up and looked at him some more. She wasn’t sure how long she’d been at Mount Weather all told, but awake and well, it had been five days. When they found out she had medical training they immediately put her to work. Keeping busy helped keep the grief of thinking they were dead away, but the nights had been nothing but a torment of seeing Finn’s face when she closed her eyes. She was a short way out of the compound to pick herbs from the medicinal garden that grew in a carefully concealed shed closer to the river.

“You didn’t go with him to find the ark?” she asked, still trying to come to grips with the good news. Now when she saw Finn’s face in her dreams, she could smile back at him, not wake up sobbing.

“I wanted to find you first,” he said. “All of you,” he quickly clarified, his eyes cutting to the woods around her. “Did anyone else make it?”

She nodded vigorously, and stepped closer to examine him. He was covered with bruises from the vicious beating he’d taken from the grounder right before they’d had to close the doors. She paused with her fingers on the neckline of his tattered t-shirt and swallowed hard, wanting to apologize for shutting the doors, and wishing for the millionth time that things were different. Deciding he wouldn’t want an apology, she gently pulled at the shirt to check a nasty looking cut near his collar bone. He shrugged off her ministrations and gave her an impatient look.

“As far as I know, most of us made it. They keep us separated, and busy. Everyone I’ve seen is always working at something. I’ve only seen Monty up close and only spoken to Raven.” She paused again. “They let me do little jobs in the med center. Her injuries were bad. She still can’t walk.”

He glanced around nervously and pulled her deeper into the woods. “What do you mean? You haven’t seen everyone? How do you know they’re alive?”

“Well, from working in medical. I see their names on the med lists, so know who’s at least getting medicine.” She frowned. “They give us vitamins and calorie drinks from being undernourished while we were at the camp.” They stopped walking and he nodded. It was hard to read his expression. “You’re lucky they haven’t found you,” she said, thinking about the constant patrols.

He smiled again and slumped against a tree. “Not lucky, exhausted. I just keep moving. I don’t remember the last time I slept more than a few minutes.”

Almost against her will, she reached out to him again, rubbed a bit of dirt off his cheek, causing him to wince in pain when she knocked one of his bruises. “Sorry,” she whispered, wishing she could help him.

He scowled. “And what do you mean, I’m lucky? If they’re treating you okay, I’ll follow you in there right now.”

She remained silent, looking at her feet in the clean shoes they’d given her. She had been treated well the last few days, her injuries cared for, plenty of healthy food, a warm cot to sleep on. He tipped her face up, his brown eyes wide and questioning.

“Are they treating you all right?” he asked, an edge to his voice.

She nodded and opened her mouth to try to explain what she thought of the situation at Mount Weather, but not completely certain herself.

“You don’t trust them?”

“I’m not sure, Bellamy,” she said, throwing up her hands, as frustrated with him as she’d ever been. How she could be so delighted to see him and want to smack him all at the same time, she’d never understand. “I know they know the ark crashed, but I don’t know what they’re doing about it. They don’t seem to care that there might be survivors, just like they never came looking for us until …” she trailed off, not sure why they had come down and “rescued” them finally. They were in the middle of a war with the grounders, half starved and on the verge of freezing if they’d survived the battle. She had no doubt from seeing their technology that they knew the instant their ship had landed, and yet they hadn’t come to help them. “They’re very militant. Honestly, they scare me a little.”

“Then I’ll get you out of there,” he said, his tired face growing resolute. “All of you.” He took her by the arms and squeezed. “Tell me what to do.”

She laughed hopelessly. Even tired, hungry, hurt and starving he was going to be the hero. “There’s no way you could get us all out. We’re under constant surveillance. If I don’t return soon with the herbs I was sent out for, a couple guards will come looking for me. It happened once when I got lost, and that was inside the compound.”

He swore and paced a few steps away before turning around. He gripped her shoulders, his eyes almost crazed. “Come with me now, then,” he said urgently. “We’ll try to catch up with Finn. If there are ark survivors, they can help us. We don’t need Mount Weather. Lincoln and Octavia headed east, there’s more people there. We can follow.”

She felt a new rush of joy. “Octavia’s okay?” she asked.

“Yes, I sent her with Lincoln. He said the people there will welcome us.”

Her head was spinning with the possibility of it. On the one hand she had safety and security right now. It was getting colder every day. His hands were icy through her layers of clothes. How had he survived without building a fire? There was no way he could have had one, they would have found him the second the first puff of smoke rose past the trees. And he wanted her to venture out into that. But if anyone had survived the fall of the ark, they’d have help, supplies, maybe weapons. She reached up and grabbed his wrists, once again faced with a decision she didn’t feel equipped to make.

“I need to get back, or this forest is going to be swarming with guards,” she said, flinching at the lost look on his face. “I’ll find a way to get back here tomorrow, with supplies if I can get them. Some food for you. Maybe I can find a way to talk to someone, let them know what’s going on.”

“Are they going to be safe here?” he asked, looking past her in the direction of the compound.

“I think so. I hope so. I don’t know. Maybe you should go on your own.” It wasn’t what she wanted. As much as she hated the idea of leaving her friends, she longed for freedom, to be doing something to help them other than just doling out vitamins in little cups. In her heart she didn’t think she was being paranoid. Something wasn’t right about the people of Mount Weather. 

He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. “Clarke,” he said, his voice rough. “I don’t think I can do it without you.” He looked more lost than ever, shrugging with embarrassment at his admission. “We’re better together,” he said after she stood there thinking.

She didn’t know if it was his words or his tone, but a calm sense of surety overcame her. “I’ll be back here tomorrow,” she said. Fresh tears burned the backs of her eyes as she realized what was happening. “Oh my God, Bellamy, you’re alive.” That alone, his being alive, and Finn, and maybe her mother, was enough to give her the hope she needed to try something so desperate. They were better together. Overwhelmed, she threw her arms around him again, and this time he hugged her back.

An alarming shock of electricity swept across her back where his palms pressed, more jolts as his hard chest collided against her. He curled his fingers into her jacket and rested his forehead against the top of her head for a moment, before pushing her away. She looked into his flushed face, feeling her own cheeks burning from the odd blast of sensation that second hug had filled her with. He blinked rapidly a few times.

“You better get back. I’ll be here tomorrow and the day after if for any reason you can’t get away. I’ll be here until I see you again.”

She felt alive, and happy to be alive for the first time since her father had been executed. “Be careful, Bellamy,” she said, realizing with a start that their fingers were intertwined. When had that happened? It felt comforting and right and she very much didn’t want to let go. He looked down at their clasped hands and slowly pulled away.

He nodded once. “See you soon,” he said, turning and running deeper into the forest.

She pressed the hand he’d been holding close to her heart, and watched him until he disappeared from sight.

***

Of all the people from the ship he could have found on Mount Weather, Bellamy was both pleased and exasperated that it was Clarke. She’d looked so clean, her golden hair shining in the sun that threaded through the trees. When she’d hugged him, he’d frozen, surprised she was so happy to see him. But that was Clarke. She would have been just as glad to see someone from the ark, even happier if he’d been Finn. He pushed that thought aside, unclear why it should bother him as much as it did. Or at all.

He hoped she could keep it together and get them some supplies. He had no idea what she might be up against by going back, he should have insisted she come with him now, dragged her if he’d had to. He had to take comfort in the thought that if anyone could manage it, she could. As he trudged laboriously through the forest, constantly backtracking and covering his tracks, trying to make false trails that might fool any grounders or guards from the mountain, he looked down at the hand he’d found clinging to Clarke. He didn’t know why, but when he’d pushed her away after her second hug, he’d been disoriented by the strange feelings he’d had and had grabbed her hand to stay moored to her somehow. It had been stupid. He could still feel her warm fingers on his palm, though, feel her arms wrapped around his neck and her soft body next to his.

He shook his head and rubbed his hand against the rough bark of a nearby tree. The only reason he had that odd reaction to her was he hadn’t seen another living soul in a week, since he’d angrily told Finn he was being an idiot and left to find the others on his own. They’d found each other after the fire cleared and made their way back to the camp. Bellamy could tell in a second that they weren’t dead, he’d even pointed out the very obvious trail the mountain men had left to the so-called master tracker. But for whatever reason, Finn had refused to listen to him, and thought going in the direction they’d seen the ark fall was the best idea.

It was several more miles to the cave he’d seen the day before. He hadn’t stopped there yet, wanting to give it a couple of passes to make sure it seemed safe. He’d stay there tonight, hopefully the opening would face away from the harsh winds he knew would pick up as soon as night fell. Exhausted was an understatement, he was numb with fatigue, and knew that he was only going now out of habit, that he’d only drop if he was actually dead. Tomorrow. Just a few more hours and he’d be with someone again. With Clarke. Then he could sleep.

Chapter 2

Bellamy awoke with a start, his neck stiff from leaning against the tree. He couldn’t have dozed off for more than five minutes, but he still did a quick circle of the surrounding area to make sure he hadn’t missed her. He was well hidden from view of the path he’d found her on the day before, and had been watching since before sunrise. There didn’t seem to be any sign of anyone at all being on the path and he settled back into his spot, purposely getting into an uncomfortable position to stay awake. He gnawed on the odd root Finn had shown him was edible. It barely did a thing to ease his hunger and it tasted disgusting, but it helped him stay focused. 

For a moment he let his mind wander back to his time on the ark. Things hadn’t been easy, especially after his mother and Octavia were torn away from him, but he’d kept busy and could read at night. He missed reading, just anything to keep his mind occupied. He tried to remember bits of stories he’d liked as a kid, stories he’d repeated to Octavia to distract her from her confinement. He hoped she was all right, and wondered again if it had been a good idea to let her go off with Lincoln. It wasn’t worth thinking about too much. At the time there had been no other choice.

A rustling made his head snap up. Clarke was terrible at stealth. She had to be at least thirty yards away and she crashed up the path like one of the twisted, two headed animals he’d seen in the forest. He stood up in a hurry, hoping fervently that it was Clarke and not one of those animals. Putting his hand on his axe, he crept around the tree and caught a glimpse of her blonde hair, then her jacket. A minute later and he stepped out to meet her, rewarded with a nearly blinding smile. Of course he’d always thought she was attractive, but she was radiant right now. Her cheeks glowed from the exertion of the walk from the compound and her lips were shiny as if she’d just licked them. He licked his own lips and smiled back at her, shaking off the ridiculous nerves that suddenly came over him. It was just Clarke.

With a brusque greeting, he pulled her off the path and took one of the packs she was loaded down with. “You got a haul,” he said appreciatively. 

She nodded proudly. “Food, mostly, but some medicine and a better jacket for you.”

He looked down at the tattered thing he’d been wearing since the ark landed. It had seen much better days, and the long rip down one side didn’t keep in too much warmth anymore. He looked away, touched by her thoughtfulness. There was no time to waste, though, so he when he had one pack strapped on his back and another slung over his shoulder, he led her through the woods, taking a long, circuitous route back to the cave in case anyone tried to follow them.

“How did you survive?” she asked. 

He turned around and grinned. “When I saw the doors closing I knew what was going to happen, so I kicked the grounder I was fighting in the face and ran like hell. I knew if I didn’t get far enough away fast enough, I’d be barbecued with the rest of them.”

His smile faded when she stopped and squeezed her eyes shut. She’d been there right after the fire, had thought Finn was dead. Him too, though he didn’t think that would have affected her as much. She was clearly upset at reliving the memory and he wanted to reach out to her, but turned and kept walking. He couldn’t help her, and if he tried, she’d probably push him away.

After a few seconds he still didn’t hear her following him and he looked around to tell her to keep up, they weren’t out of the mountain men’s territory yet, when he saw a guard coming up behind her, several yards away. The guard sped up as he saw her, and Bellamy ducked out of sight.

“Miss Griffin, are you lost?” he called out, sounding anything but helpful. Bellamy saw her eyes fill with terror and she looked around desperately for him. “Come back with me now, Miss Griffin.” The guard reached her and yanked her toward him by the arm. She gritted her teeth in pain and tried to get out of his grasp, earning her a hard slap across the face. “You’re out of bounds, Miss Griffin.”

When Bellamy saw the guard reach for the gun that was strapped to his side, he stepped out from behind the tree, his fingers wrapped around the handle of his axe. “Clarke, get down,” he called, already hurling the weapon. With wide eyes, she jerked free from the guard’s grip and slid bonelessly to the ground as the axe blade buried itself with a juicy crack in the man’s chest.

Bellamy raced forward. A glance at Clarke, hunched over and breathing in sharp gasps, told him she was shocked but unharmed. The guard was dead, a thick puddle of blood forming all around him in the forest undergrowth. Ignoring the feelings of sickness and regret, he put his foot on the man’s chest and heaved out his axe. Clarke made a gurgling sound and he grabbed her hand to help her up.

Slipping out of the gear packs, he handed them to her and pointed in the direction of the cave, giving her a little push. “Walk in that direction for about a mile, keep the ridge on your left. You’ll have to cross a creek. There’s a cave another mile past the creek.” She stood there shaking her head. “Clarke,” he snapped, taking her chin in his hand and pointing back at the dead guard. “More of them will come soon, won’t they?”

“Yes,” she managed, shaking herself. “What about you?”

“I’m going to take care of this to make it look like a grounder attacked.” He tipped his head sideways as he looked at her and got a brilliant idea. Reaching out, he unzipped her jacket and tore away part of her shirt, tossing it on the guard’s body. “If we’re lucky they’ll think you got taken.” He could see she was getting calmer but he needed her to go now, and gave her another push. “Follow my directions, you’ll find the cave. I’ll cover our tracks and meet you as soon as I can.”

Clarke put her hand over her mouth and took a last look at the guard before looking at him. Her eyes told him everything she felt, mirroring everything he felt. Would they ever find peace on this forsaken planet that was supposed to be their home? How many people would they have to kill to get it? He looked away. There wasn’t time time to have those kinds of thoughts, not when the path could be swarming with more guards in the blink of an eye.

She grabbed his hand and squeezed it. “Be careful.”

Before he could tell her the same, she took off and he set about dealing with the guard, all the while pushing down his dark thoughts, not sure how much longer he could continue on this way.

***

She stumbled on the cave opening by accident after running almost blindly in the direction Bellamy had pointed. She knew that guard’s name, it had been Herako. He’d been unfriendly and today hadn’t been the first time he’d taken a crack at her. She knew if he’d managed to get her back to the compound she would have been punished and she feared the severity of it. At the very least she would have been put on lockdown, unable to get away again, certain her outdoor privileges would be revoked. She kept telling herself Bellamy had no choice, he’d been protecting her— them— and their escape plans. 

Collapsing on a blanket that lay at the very back of the cave, she shrugged out of her jacket and the packs she’d managed to steal from the compound. She dug around in one until she found a canteen of water and chugged it down, nearly throwing up from adrenaline and drinking too fast. Worn out, but far too worried about Bellamy to close her eyes and rest, she crawled to the mouth of the cave and huddled there, nervously watching in all directions and jumping at every sound.

An hour passed and she got up, stiff from sitting in the cold so long and paced back and forth, wondering if she should go look for him. Every minute that he was out there, she feared he’d been taken by other guards or worse, killed. She didn’t know if she could manage setting out to find the ark on her own. The thought that it might be a futile endeavor and there might be no survivors filler her with almost crippling panic and she closed her eyes, trying to concentrate on any positive thing she could muster in her mind. Finn was alive. She hoped. She tried to conjure up his face in her memory, but only saw Bellamy’s stricken face as he threw the axe.

“Where are you, Bellamy?” she whispered to the trees. The morning had melted away into afternoon and her stomach turned over at the idea of spending the night alone in the cave.

He came from the complete opposite direction of where they’d been, stepping silently into the clearing from behind her.

“Are you okay?” he asked, startling her. 

She whirled around, stopping short at his appearance. His hands and face were streaked with dirt and his hair was a bird’s nest of black tangles. His feet and legs were wet past his knees as if he’d waded through water and his expression was empty, eyes looking at her but not seeing her.

“Me?” she asked, trying to tell if he had any injuries without touching him. The closed off look on his face warned her not to try to help him, but against her better judgement she stepped nearer. “What about you? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” he said shortly, walking past her without even a sideways glance. “Go get some sleep, I’ll take first watch.”

She hesitated, unsure of what to do. She looked at his straight back and then at the cave. There was no way she could just go and get some sleep. 

“Bellamy, he probably would have killed me,” she said, taking a step closer to him.

His shoulders slumped and he shook his head. “Leave me alone, Clarke.” The ice in his voice nearly convinced her to go into the cave and let him deal with his own demons, but she just couldn’t.

“You saved my life,” she continued, her voice rising as she struggled to take a bit of the weight of guilt from him. “You did what you had to do.” After a pause, she finished, “I’m glad you did it.”

He barked a short humorless laugh. “Damn it, Clarke, I’m trying not to think about it, all right?”

She stepped forward and put her hand on his shoulder. “Okay,” she said. “Okay, maybe I could help you get your mind off it.”

He turned around abruptly and her hand fell to her side. He had a stormy glare on his face, one eyebrow raised in challenge. Fine, he wanted to be left alone, she would leave him alone. She took a step back, but then he was right in front of her, his face inches from hers, his eyes locked on her lips. He rested his hands gently on her waist, causing a shiver to power up her spine.

“Okay, Princess,” he said, leaning down and kissing her savagely.

Well, that wasn’t what she’d had in mind. She’d meant to offer to prepare some of the food she’d stolen. But this would work, too. In fact, she quite liked kissing him and squeaked excitedly when he gripped her tighter and ran his hands up her back. She closed her eyes and leaned into him, her breasts tingling as he pulled her against his hard chest. His lips were soft but firm and she found herself opening her mouth so his tongue could find its way in. Yeah, this wasn’t bad at all. Tentatively, she lifted her hands and curled her fingers into his jacket. His body was rock hard and burning with heat through the heavy fabric and she desperately wanted to touch his skin. She sighed into his mouth as his tongue tangled with hers. 

He stopped suddenly. Everything. His hands stilled and he pulled away from her, causing something close to despair deep in her core. His mouth was close, she could feel his breath next to her lips, but he’d stopped kissing her. When he took his hands away altogether, her eyes flew open.

He looked at her with an intensity she didn’t understand. He looked almost angry. She didn’t think she could breathe if he didn’t start touching her again.

“Don’t stop, Bellamy,” she said, not caring about the pleading sound in her voice. She would have begged him at that point she wanted him so badly. 

And just like that, the dark cloud fell from his face, replaced with the sexiest of smiles, causing her pounding heart to take a dive into her stomach. In an instant he was back to kissing her, his hands roaming up the sides of her waist to cup her breasts.

“That’s better,” she murmured, as showers of pleasure rippled over her skin wherever his fingers touched. So much better.

He edged her backwards and she kept step with him, smoothing her palms up his back to grip his shoulders, pressing against him.

When her feet got tangled in the blankets, he swept his arms under her and lifted her, placing her on the soft pile. Kneeling over her, he lifted the edge of her shirt and she eagerly helped him pull it off. Her pants were next, and in a blur he shook off his own clothes. Even the few seconds he was away from her to undress made her shake with need.

“Oh my God, I want you, Bell— ” she said, her sentence cut short as he pressed his mouth to hers.

He gripped her hips and pulled her roughly down to meet his body, leaning back slightly and looking into her eyes. 

“I want you, too,” he said, looking away as he said it. 

She wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him the rest of the way to her, arching up into him and crying out as he plunged inside her.

It was so good after the panic and anguish of the last few hours, like the crisp smell of the rain after a violent storm, one of the things she’d learned to love most about earth. She moaned and grabbed onto him, then fell back as he trailed kisses along the side of her neck, his hands on her sides, her hips, her breasts, as if he couldn’t get enough of her. She pulled him close, smiling against his shoulder at the thought. Every place he touched became his, and she didn’t even care, surrendered happily to him as he set her alight with the best feelings she’d ever experienced. She was floating and falling all at the same time. She curled her arms around his neck and buried her face in his tangled hair to keep from crashing too hard.

“Clarke,” he said next to her ear, his voice harsh and low. “Come now, okay?”

He grabbed her under her hips and rammed deep inside her, his head against her shoulder. She could feel his arm muscles tense and shaking on either side of her. “Please, Princess.”

It was barely a whisper. If he hadn’t been so close to her ear she wouldn’t have heard it over her own ragged breathing. The coiled urgency in her unraveled like a striking snake and she felt the delicious heat spread outward from where he was inside her. She managed to hold onto him for a moment longer before her limbs went slack and she gave in to the pulsing, heady sensation.

He kissed her on her half open mouth and thrust once more before collapsing on top of her.

“That was good,” he said after they lay there panting for several long minutes. He rolled to the side and got his arm under her head, smoothing the sweaty strands of hair off her forehead.

“That was amazing, actually,” she said, surprised that it had been that easy for her. She leaned up to get a look at his self-satisfied face before dropping back down beside him. She decided he looked way too smug to admit she’d never had an orgasm that easily before. 

“You’re welcome,” he said and she could tell without looking that he was grinning. 

She smacked him in the stomach, not hard, but enough to get him to contract his muscles. She ran her fingertips over his rippling abs and sighed. He could be as smug as he wanted right this minute, because she still felt plenty good from what they’d just done. In a few minutes she’d get up and go back to normal, but right now she only wanted to press her naked body up against his and let him run his fingers up and down her arm. Later on she could feel guilty about this, but for now she wanted to pretend everything was right with the world. A few minutes more with him and she’d get up and …

***

Bellamy looked down at Clarke as she slept in his arms. He didn’t want to admit to himself how much he’d liked being with her. The urge to kiss her in the first place had been completely out of the blue, and then she didn’t kick him or punch him in the stomach, but returned the kiss and grabbed onto him. It had almost blown his mind and made his body heat up as if he were on fire. At first he’d thought she was imagining he was Finn and he almost let her, almost convinced himself he didn’t care, just so long as he could get a little release after the extremely lousy day. But then he’d stopped, feeling sick that she might be thinking of Finn when it was him touching her, about to be inside her. Strangely, he didn’t want to continue if she didn’t want it to be him. It was like being doused with icy river water.

When she opened her eyes and said his name, he didn’t understand the rush of gratitude and relief that he’d felt. He’d wanted to show her, but he’d been so overcome with crazy desire he couldn’t slow down. Thankfully, she’d been pretty easy to please, and if she woke up and wasn’t back to being her regular self, he’d show her what he could really do. 

She was smudged with dirt again, no longer shiny and clean from the Mount Weather compound, but just as pretty as ever to him. Even though she was pressed tight against him, her face nestled against his shoulder so that he could feel her soft breathing against his neck, he wanted to be closer. He edged a leg over her side and wrapped his other arm around her, resting his head against the top of her hair. His eyes felt heavy and his body was completely relaxed for the first time in … he couldn’t remember. He needed to go outside and keep watch and glared at the opening of the cave as if it had said something rude. In a minute he’d get up, but he wanted a little bit more of this strange peace he felt being so close to Clarke. Pulling the blanket up over them, he fell asleep.

Chapter 3

“Damn it, Clarke, why’d you let me sleep so long?” he asked angrily and she rolled her eyes.

Without turning around to look at him— she just couldn’t, not yet— she shrugged. “You needed sleep. You still seem pretty grumpy, though.”

She imagined the drop-jawed look of irritation he must be giving her back and smiled down at the food she was preparing.

“I’m not grumpy, I just wish you would have let me take the first watch. Were you watching last night?”

She’d woken up in the middle of the night and horrified, scurried out from his embrace and sat at the edge of the cave the rest of the night.

“Most of it,” she said, still unable to look at him. 

The things he’d made her feel didn’t matter in the cold light of day. As much as she’d love to curl up naked with him and let him bring her to ecstasy again, that wasn’t reality. And he certainly wouldn’t want to repeat last night. She thought he might like her a little bit now, respect her even, but she was just a warm body, a release, and if she was ever stupid enough to think otherwise, then she deserved any disappointment she got. And Finn, she reminded herself hurriedly. Of course she remembered Finn was waiting for her somewhere. Last night had to be a one time only deal. No more sex with Bellamy.

Feeling his stare boring a hole in her back, she finally turned around to look at him. 

His face was shuttered and closed off as ever, a deep furrow in his brow. “I’ll go get some water,” he said brusquely, turning on his heel and stomping off toward the river.

“Be careful,” she called after him. His raised hand showed her he’d heard, but he didn’t turn around.

Don’t be an idiot, she told herself. Act normal when he gets back or this is going to be one long, awkward journey together.

A few minutes later, he raced back into the clearing. “We have to go, now,” he said, grabbing things and tossing them into one of the packs.

His panic was contagious and Clarke immediately began packing up as well. “What is it?’ she asked.

Without stopping his frantic packing, he glanced over at her. The stark fear in his eyes made her heart sink. 

“Grounders,” he said. “By the river. I think they saw me.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once again Bellamy and Clarke struggle to keep their hands off each other.

They crashed through the forest at a dead run for what seemed like an eternity. Pure adrenaline kept her moving, following Bellamy’s zig-zagging pace. Finally he stopped and held out his arm so she wouldn’t fly into him.

“We have to rest,” he said, bending over and trying to catch his breath. He sat down and leaned against a tree, dropping his head onto his knees.

Clarke paced a bit to try to slow her heartbeat, keeping a careful eye out through the trees in every direction. It appeared that they had lost them, if the grounders had ever followed them in the first place. She was sorry to give up the shelter of the cave, and hoped Bellamy hadn’t been being paranoid when he saw the grounders. Finally, she sat down and sighed, looking morosely at the top of his head.

“I was going to suggest we discuss our options over breakfast,” she said.

He snorted, but didn’t look up at her. “I guess we’re not allowed to have options.”

“Or breakfast,” she said sadly, her stomach growling embarrassingly loud.

He laughed, just a mirthless chuckle at first, but it built and soon she was laughing along with him and had to lie down when her sides began to ache.

“I don’t remember the last time I laughed at anything,” she said after a few moments of shared silence.

“Sucks what we find funny now,” he said.

“Yeah, starvation and futility,” she said and he groaned. “Too far?” she asked.

“A little bit.” He lay flat on his back and stretched his long limbs in the damp undergrowth.

“Nope,” she said, getting up. “Gotta get up and keep moving. You already got to sleep the whole night.”

He dragged himself up, giving her a raised eyebrow. “Whose fault was that?” he asked. “You wore me out.”

She felt her face turn beat red. “That wore you out?” she asked incredulously. Crap, was she teasing him? She had made a pact with herself to never bring up last night in any way, shape or form, and now she was teasing him about it. Dumb.

“Wait, I don’t remember you complaining,” he said, eyes wide with false innocence. And he was teasing her back! How in the hell had they come to this? Were they actually getting along, being friendly? She felt a warm prickling feeling all along her skin and repressed a smile, before looking away.

“No, I wasn’t complaining,” she said softly. She glanced at him and he held his hands out at his sides.

“Where to, then?” he asked, all business again.

“Well, we’re still heading for the ark, right? Find survivors and get help for the others in the compound?”

He nodded slowly. “Or we could find my sister and Lincoln. Get help from people out that way.”

Finn flashed through her mind for a split second. Why hadn’t he and Bellamy stuck together? That would make her decision so much easier. And it would have kept her from complicating things by falling onto a pile of blankets with Bellamy. She felt her face getting hot again, because even though she firmly believed it had been a mistake she couldn’t repeat, she wouldn’t say she was sorry it happened.

“I don’t know,” she said. “If there were survivors, they’ll have weapons.”

“The grounders have weapons,” he reminded her. “And they know the mountain men.”

Clarke huffed. “Yeah, they know them and are scared crapless of them.”

“All the more reason to be better prepared.”

She didn’t want to argue with him when they were getting along so well, but she knew his feelings about the people of the ark. He no longer had any family there, and he didn’t trust any of the establishment. Not that she could blame him. But they had to be practical, and she didn’t trust the grounders, friends of Lincoln or not.

“Do you really trust Lincoln that much?” she asked incredulously as they began to walk again. She had no idea where they were going, but at least they were moving.

He shrugged. “Yeah, I guess. I wouldn’t have let him take Octavia if I didn’t.”

“But why?” she pressed, hoping he could convince her.

He turned around and gave her a long look. “I don’t know, a gut feeling? Why do you trust me?”

She stopped short at that, but quickly began walking again. They were heading for higher ground, which told her Bellamy also no longer knew where they were and was trying to get his bearings.

“I trust you,” she started. “Because you’ve shown that you’re trustworthy.” It seemed simple enough, but he rolled his eyes at her.

“Yeah, but before that,” he said.

“Okay,” she said, begrudgingly seeing where he was going with his line of questioning. “I guess it was just a gut feeling.”

He turned around and nodded, pointing to the ridge far in the distance. “We can walk to that or I can climb a tree. I just need to figure out where we are.”

She motioned to the nearest tree, not excited in the least about the prospect of walking all the way to the ridge. “Get climbing, buddy,” she said.

He made a sarcastic bow before slipping out of the gear packs and his jacket. “Your wish is my command.”

As he scrambled up the tree, she settled into a soft patch of moss that was only partly damp, bunching up Bellamy’s jacket to make a pillow. The forest was dense with tall trees and it would take him a while to get to a point where he could see anything. She closed her eyes and listened to the branches rustle as he made his way up, when she heard a distinct snapping to her left. She turned and saw a furry booted foot not two feet away from her.

Before she could blink, a filthy hand clapped over her mouth, keeping her from shouting a warning to Bellamy. The grounder leaned over and peered into her eyes.

“Are you Clarke?” he asked, causing her to nearly have an aneurism. She nodded and he took his hand away. “My name is Jericho. You know of Lincoln, the healer?” She nodded again, trying not to glance up at the tree, still not sure if this grounder meant her harm. If he took off with her as a prisoner, she wanted Bellamy to be able to follow, not be captured as well.

“Did he send you?” she hissed.

The grounder leaned forward, his fierce, darkly streaked face close to hers. “No,” he said. “But he told us to look out for you. He described your group to us. Are you the only one left alive?”

She didn’t like the sound of the “us” he spoke of, but he seemed to be the only one in the near vicinity. She didn’t want to risk asking him and seem suspicious and she sure as hell wouldn’t admit to being the only one left alive. She was about to ask him if Lincoln had a message for her when Bellamy dropped out of the tree like a swooping bird of prey, squashing the grounder flat and knocking the wind out of him.

Coughing from his hard landing, he quickly got up and put a knee in the man’s chest and pressed his knife to his throat.

“Bellamy, stop,” she said urgently, trying to pull him off the choking man.

“Octavia,” the grounder sputtered. At hearing the name, Bellamy immediately got off him, holding his knife away in a non-threatening manner, but not dropping it completely.

“What about my sister?” he asked, and Clarke’s heart broke a little at the desperation in his voice. “Did you see her?”

Jericho shook his head. “No, but word came to our village that she and Lincoln were safe. The man who met them is staying with us for a time if you’d like to speak to him.”

“Wait, do you mean come with you to your village?” Clarke asked, unable to keep the skepticism out of her voice. If this didn’t smell like a trap she didn’t know what did, and Bellamy would be too blinded by wanting news of Octavia to get that.

Jericho shrugged. “If you like. Winter is nearly upon us, bad storms will arrive soon. We have shelter and can give you directions to the camp where Lincoln took the girl.”

“We’re trying to find our people,” she said firmly, giving Bellamy a hard look and trying to ignore the yearning in his eyes.

She reached over and put her hand on his, her attention still focused on the grounder. He was young, probably her age, maybe a little older. Not older than Bellamy, that was certain. On closer inspection, the only weapon he had was a hunting knife strapped to his belt, which he could have taken out when he approached her, but hadn’t. It didn’t seem as if he meant them any harm. But they had to stick to their plan. They had to find Finn and any survivors.

She pointed up at the sky. “The ship that came down, we think there were people on it who lived through the crash.”

Jericho nodded. “There were,” he said, holding up his hand to stop the rush of questions she wanted to ask. “They’re long gone by now, though.”

She gasped. “What do you mean?” she asked, fearing the worst.

Bellamy wrenched away from her comforting hand and grabbed the grounder by his shirt. “Did your people kill them?” As much as she knew she should stop him, the disheartening news that the survivors were gone didn’t let her.

Jericho grabbed Bellamy’s wrist and jerked free from his grip. “No. You need to calm down. We aren’t all like the group you got in a war with. That was really unfortunate that they were the first ones you met when you came down. Those of us who live peacefully wanted to greet you, learn of your life in the sky, but by the time we got close enough, everything was …” he trailed off.

Bellamy glanced at her with a frown. They could both think of a few words to end that sentence. “What, then?” he asked harshly.

“Your ship landed in more than one place. It broke apart,” Jericho explained, spreading his fingers wide and making a fluttering downward motion. “There was one place not too far from your old camp we saw people, but they moved on quickly to find others. They followed the smoke rising from far off in the mountains.”

“How far off?” Clarke asked.

“Several days, maybe a week trek.”

“And how far to your village?” Bellamy asked.

“A few hours walk. We’d be there by nightfall.”

Bellamy turned to her with a questioning look. It was the most practical decision, and she prayed it wouldn’t be the last one she ever made. He held out his hand to Jericho and pulled her away behind a copse of trees.

“We’ll be careful,” he said. “Keep our eyes open. But he could have killed you while I was in the tree.”

“I know,” she said tiredly, angry at him for being logical. “But we know there were survivors, Bellamy. We know now.”

“Yes, and they’re a week’s walk from here. We have what? A day’s worth of food left? What if we don’t get lucky and find another cave for shelter from the wind?”

“Are you sure you don’t just want information about Octavia?” she asked, wanting to shake him for being so stubborn.

He actually reached out and shook her a little, causing her to laugh that they were the same amount of irritated with each other. “Yes, I want to know about Octavia. But I don’t think we’ll make it that far without supplies. I haven’t even seen any animals around lately to hunt. Maybe they’ll let us trade with them.”

“Trade what?”

“I could work,” he said, shrugging. He looked down at her chest and raised an eyebrow suggestively. “You could …”

She hit him in the shoulder and he laughed. “I don’t think he’s lying to us,” he said, nodding over at Jericho, who waited patiently for them. “Gut feeling.” He looked down at her hopefully.

“Fine. You’re right. If they don’t kill us, it’s the best plan.” She looked away from him, thinking about Finn and the people on the ark who’d lived through the crash. When would they all be together again?

“We’ll find them, Clarke,” he assured her. “This is just a small detour.”

Chapter 4

Jericho led them on a winding journey through the forest, but they reached his village before nightfall, just as he’d promised. He left them at the outskirts while he ran to tell his leader about them. Clarke saw a neatly cleared area in the middle of the forest, dotted with small huts all around the perimeter, a couple larger wood buildings in the center. There was what looked like a communal fire pit area for cooking and several wells. Little puffs of smoke rose from the buildings and huts and she felt the first wave of exhaustion hit her. She longed to sit down in front of a fire and warm her aching bones.

Bellamy took her hand while they waited, dropping it at the first sign of Jericho’s return with the group’s leader. She wondered if he thought it made him look weak to hold onto her. Either way she was grateful he took the lead. She’d gotten way less sleep than him and could barely stand.

Introductions were made, weapons assessed. Since all Bellamy and she had were hunting knives and his axe, it was agreed they could keep them, which she took as a hopeful sign. Either that, or they were so efficient at murdering that a little thing like them having a knife and an axe wouldn’t be enough to save them. A delicious aroma of roasting meat wafted past her as the evening wind picked up and she almost started to drool.

“You are welcome to share our food, and we can offer you shelter for the night,” the leader said.

She tried to remember his name, but couldn’t, only smiled gratefully and followed him and Bellamy to a hut. They left their things inside and she gazed longingly at the mattress that lay on the ground.

“Come on,” Bellamy said close to her ear. “They said we could eat with them by the fire. Let’s go get warm and socialize.” He put his hand on her waist to guide her out to the small group of grounders gathering around a campfire.

Someone gave her a clay bowl full of savory meat stew and she gobbled it down, making small talk with a woman next to her while listening to Bellamy charm some children who wanted to look at the axe he’d made from parts of the drop ship.

“Your husband is good with them,” the woman said, looking at Bellamy as if he were dessert. “That’s a good sign. He’s attractive, too.”

Clarke choked on her last bite of stew, and Bellamy had to lean over and whack her on the back. “He’s not my husband,” she said when she could speak again.

“Sorry,” she said, looking at Bellamy longer this time, as if she were undressing him with her eyes.

Clarke felt an odd stirring, a strange urge to tell the woman to back the hell off, even though that was stupid. Bellamy wasn’t anything to her. If this grounder whore wanted to spend some quality time with him, who was she to stop them? She tried not to show how upset she was, but must have failed, because the woman placed a conciliatory hand on her arm.

“It was just the way he looked at you, that made me think that. I didn’t mean anything. He is nice to look at, though.”

Before she could sputter an answer, Bellamy stood up and reached out to her. “Let’s go to bed, baby,” he said, enraging her with his amused smirk.

He must have overheard the entire conversation. The knowing smile on the woman’s face made her think seriously about spending the night in the forest. Then she remembered the mattress, loaded down with furs and blankets. Yep, she was over it already, and grabbed his hand, throwing a smug look over her shoulder as they walked away.

“Way to make friends, Clarke,” he said, hustling her ahead of him into the hut.

“I’m not going to argue with you,” she said, shaking out of her jacket.

“That’s mature of you,” he said, close behind her.

She spun around, nose to nose with him. He had an intent look in his eye, and something else. Tenderness? He put his hands on her hips and tugged her up against him. She watched his eyes drift shut as his mouth covered hers.

Getting warm by the fire and filling her stomach with good food had done wonders for her morale. This soft, insistent kiss by Bellamy was like a beautiful lullaby, chasing away the last bits of tension and doubt. She parted her lips and slid her hands around his back and under his shirt as his tongue touched hers. Her mind felt fuzzy and relaxed even as her body began to awaken, her senses humming as he ran his hands further down her hips.

His jacket impeded her in getting closer to him and she angrily jerked at it. Without breaking their kiss, he slipped out of it, tossing it into the corner of the hut. Clarke wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing every inch of her body against his. She felt him smile against her mouth and an almost tearing pain shot through her. It had to be guilt. She shouldn’t like this. Why did she like this so much? She loosened her hold on him and he gripped her arms as if he knew she was thinking of backing away. He kissed her more fiercely, whispering her name.

She pulled away, her heart pounding. Not being against him hurt worse than the guilt and she fought for control. “Bellamy,” she gasped. “We shouldn’t, we can’t. It’s not right.”

He kept his grip on her arms, and she could barely look into his eyes. They seared into her, full of longing. She knew she should get out of his grasp, away from his touch so she could think clearly again, but his eyes kept her close.

He furrowed his brow and dropped his forehead to hers, their noses and mouths so close together, she could feel his breath on her lips. He was silent for a moment and for a second his grip loosened. Then he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in closer to him, burying his face in her neck.

“Tell me you don’t want me,” he said raggedly, tangling his fingers in her hair. “Just say you don’t want me, Princess, and I’ll stop.” His mouth was against her throat, below her ear. She could feel his lips almost touching her skin. Against her better judgement she tilted her head closer to him and he ever so lightly pressed a kiss against her neck, making her limbs feel like jelly. “Tell me,” he repeated, now running his hands down her shoulders, his thumbs grazing the tops of her breasts. His breath was so hot, she thought she might combust, and his fingers lit a fire within her that she feared would never be extinguished if she pulled away.

She gasped, and opened her mouth to tell him to stop, but the words wouldn’t come out. She couldn’t say them, not when all she wanted was for his hands to continue their travels over her body. When her own hands were shaking to touch him, her skin was burning for him.

She gripped his t-shirt in her fists, feeling his hard stomach beneath her knuckles. Push him away, she told herself. Get out of here, now. Instead she shakily shoved his shirt up, and slid her palms over his flat abs. She tipped her head back and locked her eyes with his, the desperation she felt reflected there.

“I do want you,” she said, her voice catching on the words. All of her breath seemed to leave her as he pulled her roughly to him, covering her mouth with his. “I want you so much,” she said as he broke free to kiss down her neck.

She wrapped her legs around his waist and he carried her to the pallet, laying her down and pausing to pull off his shirt. She melted into the thin, lumpy mattress, a luxury compared to the cave. His body was smooth and hard and she reached out to touch him. He smiled down at her and her mind went blank. He was so beautiful when he smiled and it hurt her heart that he so rarely did it.

“Bellamy?” she said, hearing the question in her voice. What did she mean to ask? He paused in unbuckling his pants and leaned close to her, propping himself on his elbows, his crooked half smile still blinding her.

“Anything you want,” he said teasingly.

She rolled her eyes, feeling silly and wrapped her legs around him again, pulling his body close to hers. She sighed with pleasure when she felt his hardness pressing against her, but he took her chin and said, “What is it?”

His face was serious and she closed her eyes against the onslaught of emotion the dark depths of his gaze evoked in her. This wasn’t meant to be about emotions, this was supposed to be pure animal lust. She wriggled underneath him and ran her hands over his firm shoulders.

“Don’t hurry, okay?” she asked,  keeping her eyes squeezed shut and feeling her face heat up at his low rumbling laugh.

She felt him kiss her under her jaw and relaxed against him as he settled himself more comfortably on top of her. “We can take all the time we need,” he said, placing kisses down her chest.

When he reached the low neckline of her t-shirt, he deftly pulled it up while she lifted her arms to help him get it over her head. After the shirt was tossed aside he captured her hands in his and pinned them over her head, trailing nibbling kisses down her left arm and making goosebumps erupt all over her bare skin.

How did he do it? Every inch of her longed for his touch, and ripples of pleasure coursed through her as he made his way lower, kissing the side of her breast before taking her nipple in his mouth. She moaned and struggled to free her hands so she could grab his head, his shoulders, any part of him. Her vision actually went spotty she was so crazed for him. He laughed against her skin and dropped her hands, which she instantly tangled in his hair, pushing him closer to her.

“I lied, Bellamy,” she gasped. “I want you to hurry.”

“Too bad, Princess,” he said, glancing up at her, his lips trailing along her rib cage. He had a devilish gleam in his eyes as he licked her belly button.

He was going to make her go crazy, she just knew it. He kept kissing down her stomach until he got to her pants, then undid the button and kissed lower. Clarke lifted her hips, and tried to tug off the horrible things, but he grabbed her hands and pushed them away, slowly easing down the zipper with his teeth.

“I hate you,” she said.

“I know.”

Letting her head drop back into the mound of furs on the mattress, she went limp, closing her eyes as his mouth traveled along the edge of her panties. Goosebumps exploded up her sides as he slid his tongue along the elastic, then gently blew cool air on her moistened skin.

“Please,” she begged, raising her head to look at him, barely able to see him through the stupor he’d put her in.

He grinned, effectively making her lose the last of her senses. “Okay,” he said agreeably, scooting down the mattress to pull her remaining clothes off.

He wrangled himself out of his own and settled back down at the foot of the mattress. Clarke sat up and grabbed his shoulders, wrapping her legs around his waist. He held onto her and kissed her for a moment, then lifted her off him and dipped her back onto the bed, resting one hand lightly on her middle to keep her down.

“Just a sec,” he said, settling between her legs and kissing the inside of her thigh, just above her knee.

Instead of moaning in anguish at making her wait, she went still, all her nerve endings sending her a message that she was about to like this very much. He edged closer, nudging her legs further apart with his shoulders as he kissed higher along her thigh, squeezing her hips with his fingers.

She reached down and ran her own fingers through his hair, watching the messy curls get even more mussed as he lightly bit her, even higher.

“Oh. My. God,” she said, accidentally pulling his hair as shimmering waves of pleasure rolled through her. He didn’t seem to notice, having reached his destination, pressing against her with his tongue.

She arched off the mattress, a high pitched noise coming out of her mouth even though she clamped her lips together hard to try to stop it. He held onto her hips and kept up the amazing torment while she tried to concentrate on what he was doing while simultaneously being tossed into a chasm of sensory overload.

Every stroke of his tongue and brush of his lips against her sent shivers and jolts up her core and down her legs, curling her toes. His fingers branded her and his hair brushed against the inside of her thigh, whisper soft. She couldn’t breathe, couldn’t stay still, and ground against him even as she writhed away. It was too much, but not enough. And then it was everything, all at once, and perfect. She squeezed her legs together and mashed her face into a pillow to keep every grounder in the village from hearing her cry out. Afraid she might be hurting him, she instantly relaxed her legs, let her arms flop to her sides and sighed gustily, wondering if her heart would ever slow its rapid beating.

Bellamy moved up and rested his head on her chest, half draped across her body. She tried to kiss him but was too weak to move that much.

“That was different,” she said, still catching her breath. “That was really … I liked that a lot.” She hid her face in the pillow again, wishing she hadn’t admitted no one had ever done that to her before.

He pulled the pillow away and got up on his elbows to look down at her. He was smiling but it wasn’t a smug grin like she feared. He just looked happy. Content. She liked seeing him that way. He kissed her.

“You ready for more?” he asked.

“I don’t know if I can,” she said, already wrapping her legs around him and pulling him closer.

“I bet you can. I have a lot of confidence in you,” he said as he sunk into her.

She closed her eyes and held on, feeling pretty confident as well.

Chapter 5

Bellamy had expected the freak out when she woke up, thought he had prepared himself for it. But it still stung a little when she came out of the hut and pulled him away from the fire. It felt good to sit and eat a hot breakfast and not have to worry too much about being murdered, and he rolled his eyes at her, but followed.

“Okay, we really can’t do that anymore,” she said, looking as solemn as she ever did.

He couldn’t help but smile at her, because he thought she was adorable. He had to admit he was feeling fairly self-assured and knew he could have her back in the hut in probably three minutes. And it wasn’t just to make a point. His fingers actually itched to touch her again. It took all his willpower not to step forward.

“Quit smirking. I’m serious,” she said, punching him in the arm.

He quit smirking and rubbed his arm. “Yes, I know. You’re always serious, Princess.” He turned and started back to the fire.

“Bellamy!”

He stopped and looked at her, any trace of good mood gone. How did she manage to do that? Yes, he got it. She regretted last night. She didn’t want to be with him, and had to let him know it in no uncertain terms. And had to make him agree with her. To hell with her.

“Fine,” he ground out. “Whatever you want. Now I’m going to finish eating and then ask around the village if anyone needs any help with anything so that we can get supplies to go find your mom and your boyfriend.” He stomped off, grateful she didn’t have anything else to say. And trying not to think about why she didn’t deny his crack about Finn. And trying to ignore the pain he felt, that had nothing to do with where she’d smacked him in the arm.

He ate the rest of his meal in silence, ignoring Clarke to the point of physically turning his back on her when she sat down near him. He heard her little huff of impatience and he ignored that, too. When he saw Jericho over by one of the wells, he ran to ask how he could find someone to trade with.

It turned out there was plenty to do, and he helped fix a roof, chopped firewood and helped dig a trench that was supposed to keep the village from flooding during the heavy winter rains. By the time night fell again, he collapsed near the fire, accepting a bowl of stew from someone and feeling calm and relaxed. There was nothing like hard labor to make you forget a pain in the ass.

Until the pain in the ass sat down next to him and started chattering as if she hadn’t treated him like crap that morning. He almost laughed at how clueless she was, then nearly dropped his bowl into the fire when he realized he was the clueless one.

Well, damn it. Was he starting to have feelings for Clarke? Was that why her horrified regret every time they had sex hurt so much? It wasn’t just a blow to his ego, but a blow to his heart. Hell no. Not possible.

He turned and watched her as she told him how she got to help deliver a baby. Her cheeks were pink and her eyes were shining. Even as he knew he had to stay far away from her, even if it meant sleeping outside tonight, he found himself leaning closer to catch every word she said, to feel the heat of her. Someone had given her a new shirt and it was clean and warm looking, but a little bit tight. God, she had nice breasts. He forced his eyes back to her face.

“I’ve never seen anything so wonderful,” she said, tearing up. “A baby! And the mom and dad were so happy. It was their second one, and they didn’t have to be scared. Can you believe it?” She put her hand on his arm and the brightness of her smile rivaled the fire.

“Yeah,” he said. “I mean, no. That sounds …”

“It was a miracle. That sounds stupid, right? But I swear, it was.” She scooted closer to him and curled her arm around his, pulling his hand into her lap in her excitement. His stomach lurched when she looked up at him, her eyes big and round and happy. “I’m glad we came here. This was a good idea, Bellamy.”

He couldn’t take it. Yesterday, the day before, he would have been glad to take advantage of the situation. He wanted her so much, but couldn’t handle another night like the last only to wake up and see her acting like she’d killed someone for enjoying herself. With him. He pulled his hand away and got up.

“I was able to get us some supplies,” he said, looking over her head. “We can leave tomorrow, first thing.”

“Did you find out about Octavia?” she asked. Her voice sounded confused. He didn’t look at her to know for sure.

“Yes, she’s fine. Her leg is healing well. They were here more than a week ago.”

“We don’t have to go tomorrow,” she said. He stole a glance at her and wished he hadn’t because her face was so hopeful and open. “We could rest a little more, do some more trading?”

He shook his head. “We can’t. Jericho told me the pass will be snowed under if we wait much longer.”

She looked like she might suggest they stay there for the whole winter and the thought was so inviting he stumbled back a step, as if he’d been shoved. The people here were nice, there was honest work to do, and he could spend every night next to Clarke. What was her reasoning for wanting to stay? Just safety?

He smiled coldly, his decision crystallizing. “The sooner you get to the people from the ark, the sooner I can go find my sister.”

The look on her face was a mixture of anger and bewilderment. Before she could say anything more, he went to their hut and buried himself under the blankets, hoping she'd find somewhere else to sleep that night and feeling like a jerk, but not completely sure why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd love to hear what you think! All feedback is welcome! Thanks for reading :-)

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed the story so far! Please let me know what you think :-)


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